“We’ll pop round tomorrow for a quick visit.” The message is kindly meant. Even so, you have no idea how a visit is supposed to fit in between breastfeeding or bottle feeds, very little sleep and the next midwife appointment. Or maybe you’d like some company, but no one asks when it would suit you.

Even if the family want to see the baby straight away: you decide when visits work. You’re allowed to decide who comes, how long someone stays and what kind of help is actually useful to you. Here you’ll find some clear agreements and five messages you can adapt.

There isn’t one visiting plan that suits everyone

The first weeks after birth are a time of physical recovery and getting to know each other. The Federal Institute of Public Health describes the postpartum period as a phase in which mother, baby and family adjust to one another. How much company feels good during that time varies. familienplanung.de: The postpartum period.

You might want to see your sister straight away, but other people only later. Maybe an hour felt nice yesterday, and today ten minutes is enough. You don’t need to turn that into a general rule for the next six weeks.

You can also change an invitation later on. “Today it’s just too much after all” is a statement about how you are right now, not a judgement on the person who wanted to come.

First be clear about what you need right now

Before handing out times, look at your everyday life: do you need sleep, food, a chat or someone to take the older child out? A visit can make things easier. But it can also mean getting up, offering drinks and answering questions even though you’re exhausted.

NHS advice on daily life with a baby explicitly mentions help from relatives and friends as a way to get some rest. What matters is what kind of support fits your situation. NHS: Sleep and tiredness after having a baby.

Ask directly: does someone want to meet the baby, talk with you or do something for you? That makes it easier to decide what works right now.

Four agreements that make visits easier

  • Ask first: Visits need a yes. Ask your relatives to check first. A short message is enough.
  • A rough length of time: “We’d love to see you for half an hour” is clearer than “Just come round whenever”.
  • One specific kind of help: If you need something, say it directly: bring food, do the shopping or play with the older child.
  • An easy ending: Decide who will say goodbye to the visitor if you need quiet. You shouldn’t have to make up an excuse for that.

Half an hour is just an example, not medical advice. Some visits can be longer, others you may postpone. If you’re unsure, talk to your midwife or paediatric practice about questions around the baby’s health and infection risks.

A partner greets a visitor at the front door while the mother rests in an armchair in the living room.
AI-generated illustration.

Messages you can adapt

These wordings come from the MomMirror editorial team. You can shorten them, make them more personal or just use one sentence.

You want the first few days to yourselves

“We’ve arrived home and first need a few quiet days. We’ll get in touch as soon as visits work for us. Thank you for giving us this time.”

You want to see someone, but only briefly

“I’d love to see you on Wednesday. Half an hour in the afternoon works well for me right now. Please bear in mind that we may need to rearrange at short notice if the night has been really hard.”

You need help rather than a visit

“I haven’t got the energy for a visit today. If you’d like to help: could you bring us a ready-made lunch and leave it at the door?”

Someone turns up at the door without warning

“Today doesn’t work. Please message us first next time. Then we’ll find a time.”

You want to cancel an invitation

“Last night was very short. I need to cancel for today and I’ll get in touch about another time. Thanks for understanding.”

If relatives react with disappointment

You can notice their disappointment without taking back your decision straight away. For example: “I understand that you were looking forward to it. I still need some quiet today.” A long explanation sometimes only leads to the next discussion about whether you’re really tired enough.

If you’re parenting with a partner, try to agree this in advance. One person takes care of messages and arranging times. That way you don’t have to explain every cancellation yourself. Also agree that this person checks with you before saying yes. If you’re a single parent, perhaps someone you trust could take on that role for a limited time.

For longer-term support from family, you can find more ideas in the article Grandparents in the postpartum period. If the main problem is that you have to organise every bit of help yourself, this guide may fit: Mental load: how to truly share responsibility.

A fabric bag with bread and fruit and a prepared meal stand in front of a flat door; a visitor is walking away in the background.
AI-generated illustration.

If you wish you had more visitors

Rest does not mean you should have as little contact as possible. Maybe the afternoon feels especially long on your own. If so, you’re also allowed to invite someone over even if the home is untidy and you haven’t prepared anything.

A clear invitation could be: “Have you got an hour tomorrow? I’d really like someone to talk to. You don’t need to bring anything.” Or: “Could you come with me to my midwife appointment? The journey still feels hard on my own.”

The US Surgeon General describes social and practical support as a shared task for families and the people around them. Not every mother has people who can make time at short notice. A midwife, family advice centre or local parents’ service can help you find support nearby. Parents Under Pressure: practical support for parents.

If you need more support

A full calendar can be draining. Ongoing hopelessness, strong anxiety or the feeling that you can no longer cope with everyday life need extra support. If that’s the case, speak to your midwife, doctor or a psychotherapist. You do not need to wait until all the visits are over.

For that conversation, it can help to note down how you felt before and after a visit. The mood diary template for the postpartum period helps you describe specific situations.

Use MomMirror to note what helps you feel good

In MomMirror, you can note your mood, sleep, energy and stress, and tell the story of your day. Looking back, you might notice: the short visit was lovely, but getting ready for it beforehand was too much. Next time you could ask: “Please do come again. Could you bring something to eat so I don’t have to prepare anything?”

Download MomMirror and try your first check-in. For iOS and Android, with optional in-app purchases. A short note on paper works too.

Sources

As of: 9 September 2026. Messages and examples: MomMirror editorial team. Created with AI support; not medically reviewed. Images: AI-generated illustrations.

Note about MomMirror

MomMirror is an app for self-reflection. It does not provide a diagnosis and does not replace medical or psychotherapeutic treatment. The sources mentioned do not prove that the app is effective.