Breastfeeding and Libido: Why Your Desire is on Hold – and How to Gently Reignite It

You're lying beside your partner in the evening, your baby finally asleep – and instead of feeling close, you primarily feel: nothing. No desire, no energy, just a wish for peace. Many breastfeeding mothers experience exactly this – and wonder if something is wrong with them. The good news: Your body is doing exactly what it should right now. And there are gentle ways to reconnect with yourself and your sexuality.

Why Your Desire is on Hold: The Hormonal Story

After birth, your body goes through a hormonal rollercoaster. Estrogen and progesterone, which were high during pregnancy, drop rapidly. At the same time, prolactin increases – the hormone that stimulates your milk production. However, prolactin has another effect: It actively inhibits your sexual desire. This makes biological sense, allowing you to fully concentrate on your baby.

Additionally, the low estrogen level results in your vagina being less lubricated and elastic – similar to what happens during menopause. This can make sex uncomfortable or even painful. No wonder your libido is currently at an all-time low.

The Symptom-Cause-Solution Matrix

• Symptom: No desire for sex → Cause: Prolactin inhibits libido, exhaustion → Solution: Patience, small moments of closeness without expectation
• Symptom: Vaginal dryness, pain during sex → Cause: Low estrogen levels → Solution: Water-based lubricant, longer foreplay
• Symptom: Little sensation, weak orgasms → Cause: Weak pelvic floor after birth → Solution: Postnatal exercises, targeted pelvic floor training
• Symptom: Aversion to touch → Cause: Overstimulation from constant breastfeeding/carrying → Solution: Physical breaks, communicate your body boundaries

Practical Help for Dryness: Your Lubricant Guide

If sex is uncomfortable, you need no shame, but good lubricant. Here’s an overview to make your choice easier:

• Water-based lubricant: Ideal for breastfeeding mothers, compatible with condoms, easily washable, no residues. May need to be reapplied. Recommendation: Best choice for everyday use.
• Silicone-based lubricant: Very long-lasting, particularly slippery, waterproof. Do not combine with silicone toys. Recommendation: When you have more time and want intense glide.
• Oil-based lubricant: Nourishing, natural (e.g., coconut oil). Warning: Makes condoms porous! Can promote infections. Recommendation: Only without condoms and after consulting a midwife/doctor.
• Hybrid lubricants: A combination of water and silicone – brings together the advantages of both. Recommendation: Good compromise for longer sessions.

Tip: Look for pH-neutral, fragrance-free products without parabens. Your body is particularly sensitive right now.

Pelvic Floor and Desire: Why Training Really Helps

Many women underestimate how much a strong pelvic floor can enhance sexual sensation. After birth, this muscle area is often weakened – which can lead to less sensation during sex and weaker orgasms.

The good news: Pelvic floor training works. Studies show that targeted training not only prevents incontinence but also improves sexual function. Through postnatal exercises and regular workouts, you can rebuild muscle strength and blood circulation.

Simple Pelvic Floor Exercises for Everyday Life

• Lift Exercise: Imagine your pelvic floor is an elevator. Slowly tighten it (1st floor, 2nd floor, 3rd floor), hold briefly, then slowly release. 5-10 repetitions.
• Quick Contraction: Quickly tighten the pelvic floor and immediately relax again. Like a quick "cough-stop". 10-15 times in a row.
• Everyday Integration: Consciously tighten your pelvic floor while brushing your teeth, at a red light, or while breastfeeding. This will make it a routine.
• Postnatal Course: Professional guidance helps you find the right muscles and avoid mistakes. Many health insurances cover the costs.

Important: Don’t overexert yourself. Less is more – quality over quantity. And: Relaxation of the pelvic floor is also important, not just tension.

Stress Relief and Relaxation: Your Body Needs Rest

Libido is not just about hormones – it's also a mental matter. If you're exhausted, constantly breastfeeding, and have hardly any time for yourself, there's simply no room for sexual desire. Your nervous system is in a constant state of stress.

Here are strategies to activate your parasympathetic nervous system – the part of your nervous system responsible for rest and regeneration:

• Breathing Exercises: 4-7-8 breathing (4 seconds inhaling, 7 seconds holding, 8 seconds exhaling) calms you immediately. Do this 3-5 times when you're stressed.
• Physical Breaks: Consciously allow yourself moments where no one touches you. A bath, a cup of tea alone, 10 minutes on the balcony.
• Micro-Selfcare: No time for wellness? Then even: massaging your facial cream consciously, listening to your favorite music, stretching for 5 minutes.
• Communication: Clearly tell your partner what you need: "I don’t need closeness tonight, just peace." Or: "Hug me, but expect nothing more."

When Will It Get Better? And What If Not?

Most physical changes after birth return to normal in the first six to eight weeks. But: As long as you fully breastfeed, your prolactin levels remain high – and often so does your dampened libido. That’s completely normal.

Studies show that sexual activity is often limited in the first six months after birth. Interestingly, breastfeeding women often have a more positive attitude toward their body and sexuality than non-breastfeeding women – even when desire is currently low.

If, after several months, you still experience severe pain during sex, persistent dryness, or lack of desire, talk to your gynecologist or midwife. Sometimes helpful interventions include:

• Estrogen-containing creams (used locally)
• Physical therapy for the pelvic floor
• Couples counseling if the situation is stressful
• Hormonal assessments (e.g., thyroid)

Remember: Your sexuality has not disappeared – it is currently on hold to care for your baby. And that is a sign of strength, not weakness.